9/11

Today, all day, I remembered 9/11. We all remember where we were and what we were doing that fatal morning the twin towers were hit. Tonight, where the twin towers once were shines a light straight up into the night sky. I couldn’t see where the light stopped. It’s almost as if it reached heaven.

Image

I’m Happy

I’m surrounded by so many beautiful faces,

Hearts made of gold and masters of the universe.

I always find love as if I’ve never been broken.

The sun glistens on my skin and I’m jumping -unstoppable.

It’s like a cartoon world, with daisies and sunshine all around.

This moment is perfect, so innocent and true.

Oh Lord please let it last forever and ever,

This moment so perfect, so innocent and true.

Red

Steffi, again? How could I be going through this again?!

Darling, because you keep going for the wrong guys. You need to be a guy’s friend first. You just can’t trust people so easily. You just can’t.

No it’s me. I overreacted. This is all my fault. He was so good.

No. No. NO! If that’s why he left you then I think all women would be single. We all have our moments. I’ve overreacted 10 times worse than you have and my boyfriend’s still with me. So have all your other friends. Look at them! And they’re still with their boyfriends. He didn’t love you like he said he did. He lied.

I guess. I was so fooled. So totally played- AGAIN. It always happens to me. It’s not fair.

You can get through this. If anyone can get through this in the best way it’s you! You’ll be fine in no time. This is God’s way of preparing you for the right one. And trust me, there is a right one for you. Just look at the girl that you are. Your guy is somewhere else right now in the process of being prepared for you. Trust me. Just be patient. And forget this guy, you didn’t miss out on anything. He did. How many girls are just as amazing as you are walking around? Not many. Like him? Plenty you don’t want. I love you darling. You’re going to be okay.

You’re just saying all of this because you love me.

No! No! Do you think I would be your friend if you weren’t the person that you are?

I love you.

And I love you. I don’t like hearing you sad especially when I can’t be there.

I wish you were here.

I know. Me too. Me too.

END OF CONVERSATION

As she sat there, she began to do what helps her heal best. Write about it -yet none of her thoughts seemed to come out right. She was feeling all sorts of emotions that she couldn’t explain. And then that tune started playing over and over again in her head. “Loving him was red”. No other words were more true to her feelings than those lyrics. And so, that’s how she dealt with it.

Red by Taylor Swift

[Verse 1:]
Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you’re already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all

[Chorus:]
Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all along
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red

[Verse 2:]
Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong

[Chorus:]
Losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all along
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Oh, red
Burning red

[Bridge:]
Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it’s time now, gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
Burning red
Loving him was red

[Chorus:]
Oh, losing him was blue like I’d never known
Missing him was dark grey all along
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met
‘Cause loving him was red
Yeah, yeah, red
We’re burning red

[Post-Chorus:]
And that’s why he’s spinnin’ ’round in my head
Comes back to me, burning red
Yeah, yeah

His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street

Image

Miami

Passed the clouds,

She seems so far away,

Only my memory can take me there;

Back to childhood days, with those Man Hunt nights.

Back to when the world seemed so big,

From this place I called home.

Palm trees, family, Lucky and friends,

All close to my heart,

Yet so far away.

Going back seems so easy from here,

Grab my parachute and go.

But my dreams hold me back,

From this place I call home.

lucky abuela andmari

Intuition

I’ve been in your place before. I know it’s cold and so unfair. It feels as if you’re struggling between a battle with the enemy and a battle with yourself. It’s almost as if you’re screaming at the top of your lungs and still no one seems understand. No one. Not even the one person that should. That voice within has been telling you for a long time now exactly what you should do –yet you’ve ignored it time and time again with the slightest bit of hope that you can somehow prove it wrong. You feel so alone even when your heart’s surrounded by those who care. You ask God: “Why did you let him in? Why is this happening to me? Why are you doing this to me?” You doubt Him. The thing is, you’re so deeply invested within your feelings, your emotions, that you fail to realize he’s always been there – holding your hand, guiding you. Remember that voice that you’ve ignored time and time again? That’s the Holy Spirit explicitly telling you right from wrong. No amount of advice is strong enough and no ounce of effort all for the sake of hope that ‘what if?’, or ‘maybe’ is worth it. Listen to that voice, even if you disagree. It’s all you’ve really got to guide you through this bizarre thing called life.

Oh and for all it’s worth, sweetheart, you’re so beautiful to me.

Dedicated to a special lady. And she knows who she is.

Moving On

It’s not fair.

Our story wasn’t supposed to end this way.

You were supposed to be mine.

And I was supposed to be yours.

You promised me a love story, yet you left me broken instead.

I blame you for lying and I blame myself for letting you in.

I should have known better because I have been fooled many times before.

-

You were wrong for telling me you loved me and that you’d never hurt me,

Because in just a few short days you did exactly that.

-

Even after all the damage you’ve caused,

I can still picture your hands in mine,

The way you looked at me and your gentle caress.

I liked the way you spoke to my mom about your family and the place you came from.

And when you ditched a soccer game to come see me,

-Even if it was only for a little while.

I remember the time you took me to the basketball game.

The arena was crowded and you were cautious making sure no one would step on me.

And then there was that night I was sick.

I couldn’t stop shivering from my fever,

And you held me tightly to try and get me warm.

You were unafraid and unconcerned that you’d get ill too.

My favorite sound of the day was hearing your voice before going to bed.

I loved waking up to a sweet good morning text from you.

It was the simple things you did that made me smile.

-

It’s 2am and our memories keep playing inside my head.

I’m powerless to stop it.

You’re so close to me, yet so far away.

It all just feels like a blur to me now,

Of a time I perhaps imagined,

Of a tragic ending I’m trying to forget.

-

Tick tock, the clock keeps ticking.

Time is all it takes to heal all wounds,

Or so they say.

I know soon enough I’ll be over this,

Whatever it was.

Because you’re definitely not the first rock I’ve tripped over.

Red.

Dear Dependence,

How lovely it is without you. Sweet like strawberries and bold like Pepsi Cola. No longer is company sought from a friend, a lover, or even a stranger. Alcohol had once been the remedy; it numbed the pain. Abuse was the best friend and I liked it. Ghosts were haunting me. I told them to leave me alone but it had already been too late. They made a home inside my head. And so I did what I was best at. I put on a show. It was quite a spectacle, so captivating. And I was devoted. It involved elements such as a pernicious passion with lying and cheating. Although that may all seem wretched and sad, when least expected, the narrative turned around. Just like Sandy brought damage and grief, when she was gone -hope and chance were reborn. And in the very same way, droplets of heaven came pouring down. Then, there was a happy ending. Because you see, it is so lovely without you; so empowering and so free. Nothing is unreachable. I’m free like a bird and unstoppable.

Sincerely,

Independence

animalprint

A la mujer confundida

¿Algunas veces sientes que te llaman en el alma? Es un sentido inexplicable. Alguien te quiere decir algo y no puede. Hay un impedimento de inseguridad y orgullo. Quieres correr a un lado que aún no conoces y no entiendes pero algo en su caricia, en su olor, y en sus manos te cautivo. Quieres huir pero ya ha sido demasiado tarde. Te sientes un poco tonta porque quizás pueden ser sentimientos inexistentes y solitarios en ti misma. “Pues, basta ya con tantas boberías”, te dices. Y con todas las fuerzas de tu ser intentas ignorarlo y olvidarlo todo. ¿Triunfaste?

The Gift

“It was one night. Yeah it felt nice but that’s all it was. You know how many one nights I’ve had? They don’t mean anything. He’s probably thinking ‘We said weird nice things to each other to something that was never anything’. It’s over”. She looked me in the eyes and told me how it was. I agreed. But the moment I was left alone, it all came back to me. Flashbacks went racing through my mind -unstoppable. That moment was real. I saw the stars shining in his eyes. I felt the chemistry slipping through our fingers. He burned bright red to me like those poisonous berries you can’t take your eyes off of. I barely knew him but I liked the way he made me feel. He gave me butterflies, and made me feel like I was 16 all over again. He said I lived life in this fairy tale world that doesn’t exist. And I found myself hoping he would be that once in a lifetime fairy tale. But just as he made me feel all those wonderful things, he made me feel unwanted and crazy. He was dangerous and something inside of me told me that the moment I first saw him. It’s all over now. Like a flash of lightening, whatever it was that we had jolted and ended. All I know now -in the midst of all that, is that nothing was lost because I gained the greatest gift of all. I found a part of myself I thought I had lost. And I need nothing more.

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